“I am fed up Lord! ” I said in my car as I rolled into the parking lot at work this past Thursday. Some of you might be surprised by that but I could not pretend that all was well with Him. 

The past month was challenging for me on so many levels: transitioning back to the East Coast after leaving in June has been a real struggle physically and spiritually. Moving from one coast to another was demanding on my body. Even though it was exhausting physically, the most difficult part of it all has been spiritually. The first time I was moving to the East Coast, I remember telling the Lord about not liking the cold temperatures and being away from my family. But despite all of my excuses and resistance, I said yes to Him and I have never been the same because of that. It has been a profound adventure with Him. 

However, this time around was different. It has been hard to accept my return. While discerning and following what I had perceived in prayer from the Lord, the doors did not open. Since I have been back, I have been struggling with disappointment. If I am honest, starting the school year after such a difficult year last year is a major part of that disappointment. At this point, I can vulnerably say that coming back and serving feels like a true sacrificial yes to the Lord.

Anyways, back to the story! 

Later that day, I had one of my sections of Spanish 2. I really like the classroom dynamic I have with this particular group. That day, without telling them about anything that I was going through, they cheered my frustrated heart and brought me great joy. At the end of class, I said “thank you for bringing me joy”. I was so grateful for this consolation that Jesus had given in the midst of my struggles but  it did not stop here. 

Today, as I sat with the Lord in the Word in Lectio Divina, I read a commentary on today’s gospel  on the French app called “ Prier Aujourd’hui”. What struck me in the commentary is that Jesus did not force open doors that were closed. He moved on to the next open door where He was welcomed (See Luke 9:51-56). I felt so seen by Him because He is inviting me to walk through the open doors because this is where He is now instead of focusing on the closed doors. He is in the present moment. 

Find me grateful, Lord! 

See you in the Eucharist, 

Sourire